alone

2007 has been a year of changes in my life. I have had to adjust as my boys continue to grow and mature.

My baby graduated from high school this year. It seems like yesterday when he started kindergarten and here he is going to college in a completely different state. You can only image the thoughts that travel through a mothers mind when she is taking her son miles away so he has a chance to grow on his own. I want him to succeed and grow but on the other hand I still want him to depend on me for his very existence.

I have been a mother for over twenty-one years and a single mother for over sixteen. Now I am supposed to be an absentee mother with no real say in her children's lives. I will just be here when they need someone to talk to or a safe haven to come to. I will be whatever is necessary to be part of their lives.

With my youngest living so far away I am depending on my oldest son to let me continue to be needed without being in charge. He is my grounding force but with graduation coming up in less than a year his four years in college is coming to an end. He too will soon be leaving and I will really be alone; although with his school and work I seem to be on alone already.

How do I continue when my reason for being no longer needs me on a daily basis? I will have to adjust and learn to depend on myself and be there for myself. I have to learn to put myself first but that will take some time as my children will always be first in my life. I can hardly wait to see what the rest of the year holds for us.
 
Pat Sinclair
Sep 30 2007