Celebrate Her

A tear slides gently down her cheek
Leaving a trail to mark its path,
Giving notice of her heart
Remembering years gone by.

She was a daughter
Born into a world full of hate,
Left alone to grow
Into a woman full of love.

Sister to three brothers
Allowing her to be herself,
Giving her room to bloom
Protecting her from harm.

A wife who was loved
Before it was taken from her,
Teaching her an injured heart
Will heal with time.

She is a mother
Full of undying love for her sons,
Support, Pride, and Encouragement
For what they have become.

She is grown now
Having survived half a century,
Living to the fullest
Loving and being loved.

Pat Sinclair 2010

Nothing

Before me are steps that lead the way
Climbing to nowhere,
Through mist of thought…
Toward nothing.

Before me is a doorway
Framing the unknown.
Suggestions of hope for more…
Still nothing.

Before me are stones
Placed to create a wall of silence,
Embracing my creativity…
Then nothing.

Before me are plants
Giving color to my reality.
Bringing dreams alive before fading…
Into nothing.

Before me is the way
To the unknown,
Before me is everything…
Yet nothing.


pat sinclair 2010

Untitled

Start your writing with: "Her hand touched the small box in her pocket and she smiled."

Her hand touched the small box in her pocket and she smiled. Her heart beating wildly, the excitement she felt threatening to overwhelm her. She had only walked the two blocks to her apartment building but it felt as if she had run a marathon. She stumbled as she mistook the distance of the first step, her foot slid off as she began her accent; reaching out she grabbed the railing to keep from falling.

A single word was making her rethink where her life was taking her. Nothing would be the same now that it had been spoken. Touching the box again she whispered that word softly; yes.

Her smile widened, the wish she’d made on her eighth birthday was coming true. She was going to be a mother.

Vacation

Vacations can take you anywhere you want to go; from a period of time at home alone to the middle of a crowd somewhere far away. You may choose to climb Mt. Everest or dive off the Great Barrier Reef. How do you choose to spend the time allowed you each year by your employer? What goes into your decision on what to do and where to go?

I always choose to go home for my vacation to spend my time with family and friends. I don’t have to pay for a room and have multiple places to choose from. The food is always great and I don’t have to cook unless I wish to. I will take my hosts to a fine restaurant to thank them for their hospitality; or to a local place for takeout and enjoy the tastes of ‘home’. I could make the trip every couple of years or so; why do I choose to do it every year?

Visiting family and friends is not the only reason I feel the call of home. When I moved here I left my loved ones who had gone on before; I return to ‘visit’ them and place flowers upon their graves. It is the pull, to make sure their final resting place is not forgotten, that has me driving over four hundred miles one way every year.

Researching my genealogy and learning where I come from is vital on knowing where I am headed. Knowing my ancestors were ‘good people’ means a lot. It helps me know that my descendants have the ability to stand tall and move forward into their lives with this history behind them.

As long as this ‘pull’ remains strong I will make the journey once a year. Other vacation days will probably be spent at home, resting quietly. Who knows one day I might just fool myself and take a trip to the mountains or the ocean. The road ahead is open and holds so many possibilities.

Have a great vacation and remember me as you travel.

Life's Journey

The road has come to an end yet I have not finished my journey. I have come to a conflicting decision in my life; do I stop and wait for someone to show me the way or continue to travel on making my own road?

I know the way is not paved and there will be stumbling blocks. I have been at this point before, when I left adolescence to travel the road of parenthood. The unknown had been frightening but I made it. The journey was full of all the emotions one will ever experience in a lifetime yet I feel there is more.

I stop, taking a short rest before moving on into the unknown. I know that stopping for longer is not the answer for me. There is so much I have not seen, so much I have not done. My life’s journey is not over just because I have finished one race, met one goal. Now is the time to set new goals and head forward; being aware of the road blocks but not letting them stop me.

David

My first attempt at poetry so please let me know where I can improve. thanks.


David; you will always be loved
And will never be forgotten,
Voices will continue to carry you on
In words still unwritten.
Daily and forever with thoughts of you...

Cherished memories we seldom mention,
Here they are to carry us through
Although the hurt it does not lessen.
Roaming thoughts so strong with
Love for you they will not weaken,
Endless moments our hearts will
Seek forever a love that remains unspoken.

Pat Sinclair
Oct 6,2007

alone

2007 has been a year of changes in my life. I have had to adjust as my boys continue to grow and mature.

My baby graduated from high school this year. It seems like yesterday when he started kindergarten and here he is going to college in a completely different state. You can only image the thoughts that travel through a mothers mind when she is taking her son miles away so he has a chance to grow on his own. I want him to succeed and grow but on the other hand I still want him to depend on me for his very existence.

I have been a mother for over twenty-one years and a single mother for over sixteen. Now I am supposed to be an absentee mother with no real say in her children's lives. I will just be here when they need someone to talk to or a safe haven to come to. I will be whatever is necessary to be part of their lives.

With my youngest living so far away I am depending on my oldest son to let me continue to be needed without being in charge. He is my grounding force but with graduation coming up in less than a year his four years in college is coming to an end. He too will soon be leaving and I will really be alone; although with his school and work I seem to be on alone already.

How do I continue when my reason for being no longer needs me on a daily basis? I will have to adjust and learn to depend on myself and be there for myself. I have to learn to put myself first but that will take some time as my children will always be first in my life. I can hardly wait to see what the rest of the year holds for us.
 
Pat Sinclair
Sep 30 2007

feelings - after the loss of a loved one

I just sat there staring at the phone in my hand; the voice at the other end was asking me if I was all right. How could I ever be all right again? The voice had just informed me that my mother had died and even though I had expected the call it still took me by surprise. I finally managed to say I was fine and as I slowly returned the handset to its cradle I started feeling again.

I felt so alone standing there; not just because I was the only person in the room but because my grounding force had been removed. I no longer had my mother, the only parent I had known, good and bad she was my guide to life. Here I was a wife and a mother, with two beautiful little boys and another one on the way, but I felt so alone.

I felt sad as I knew she would not be there for the birth of her last grandchild. I would never see her smile again and listen to her laugh as she told us stories of when she was young. No more anything but memories; how could life stop that fast?

I felt scared because now it was up to myself and my brothers to be the guiding generation. How can we be responsible when we haven't even finished growing up yet.  Older generations are needed to lean on and learn from and we now have no one.

Pat Sinclair
Sep 8 2007

To my descendents

This is a letter I wrote from the view point of my two sons' ggrandfather.



Good day to you all.

I would have been more specific but, as I have no way of knowing who will read what I have to write, this will have to be good enough. I have been gone a few years by now but I would like for you, my descendents, to know a little about me.

I am Isaac Sinclair and I was born about 1878. Like I said it’s been awhile so you can’t expect me to remember every date. My parents were Lewis S. and Florinda Pierce Sinclair and we lived in the small town of Flora, Ohio. I had a brother, his name was Charles, and we were very close. I lived with him and his family for a while in Pomeroy but I’m jumping ahead a little.

When I was a young man I met the love of my life and we were married. My love was Mary Jeanetta (Nettie) Sloane and she gave me a wonderful family. We had five children who grew to adult hood. After our youngest child, Homer Darsel, was born we separated. It was not my Nettie’s fault as I suffered mightily from headaches and would become extremely mean tempered. I did not hold it against her when she took our children to Athens to live with her uncle. I regretted not being there to watch my children grow up but with my anger from the headaches I new it could not be any other way.

I went to Pomeroy to live with my brother Charles and his family. My mother lived with us there also and with Charles’ family growing I knew I would have to get my own place. I bought a small farm in the same community I had been born into and worked it as best I could.

I developed crippling arthritis and continued having the bad head aches, the pain was unbearable. I was in so much pain it was hard to get through the day without wishing I were dead. One day it got the best of me so I wrote a little note, as I knew Charles would come to check on me as usual, and placed it on the front door. I went back inside the house and got comfortable in my favorite chair. I had my shot gun right there by my side and a long stick because I knew my hands would not work well enough to do the job right. I wanted to make sure I did it right because I did not want to be a burden to my family any longer. I put the barrel of the gun in my mouth and used the stick to pull the trigger.

Now that I am gone I am sorry for leaving all of this on poor Charles. He always took care of and looked out for me; it was not right for him to come to my door only to find a note saying, “You will find my dead body inside”. I am sorry dear brother but I know you will do what is right by my family as you are so much stronger than I ever was.

Well this was my story.  It looks as though you all turned out really well so I will have to give my Nettie all the credit for passing along the love we had for each other. I am sorry I did not get to know you.

Yours truly and forever,
Isaac Elwood Sinclair
1878 - 1930
 
Pat Sinclair
2007 Sep 3

Books

Broken and weary I rest,
Oceans of boredom wash over me,
Only to drain my soul.
Keep me from my pain,
Supply words to quench my thirst.

pat sinclair june 2010